So
today's question comes from a place of hope, something that looks to
provide relief and maybe resolve strife and return sanity to a part of
our planet that could really use it:
"Dear Dave,
Given the state in Ukraine, what music and or food would chill these mutha f'rs out?"
Let it rain taco's and macaroons! Let the marshmallows and peanut butter pretzels shower those who would do harm to each other! Drown those who would carve at each other with weapons of war in an espresso/caramel fountain! Deli meat as a shield of peace! Je Suis Fromage pour tout le Monde!
"Dear Dave,
Given the state in Ukraine, what music and or food would chill these mutha f'rs out?"
Let it rain taco's and macaroons! Let the marshmallows and peanut butter pretzels shower those who would do harm to each other! Drown those who would carve at each other with weapons of war in an espresso/caramel fountain! Deli meat as a shield of peace! Je Suis Fromage pour tout le Monde!
This is what I imagine might work; first you have to get their
attention so they break off from the gunning and bombing for a minute.
I'd send in a thousand drones each with it's own 1000 watt speaker
descending from as high as possible blasting the entire length of
'Ascension' by Coltrane just to get everyone off balance.
Once you have a break in the action because everyone is disoriented by the amazing cacophony that's when you bust out the taco cannon (both carnitas and pollo) and switch over to 'Tequila' by the Ventures (and perhaps a bit of the liquid for you). Once there is appropriate pandemonium you release the Prozac donuts from the drones and carpet bomb the whole of eastern Ukraine with water-balloons filled with medicinal smoke (these 2 steps could be reversed).
Finally you would finish up with the Funkadelic classic 'I'll Stay' so everyone gets to dance it out (or hug it out). At this point you would definitely want to have a go-go dancer army of men and women thousands strong run across the killing fields in white patent leather boots and short shorts. The result might be similar to an adult version of the Pied Piper of Hamlin.
OR - smother the entire western part of Russia with fluffy biscuits and dense gravy while blasting Rogers and Hammerstein compilations.
Either should work, let me know when you want to get started! Thanks for the great question.
Disclaimer: These results may work for other conflicts and countries but as yet have not been verified or tested on an epic or worldwide scale. Use at your own risk, may cause peace and freedom, hilarity, casual laughter, feelings of awesomeness, sensual indulgence, happily satiated thoughts, and general indirect righteousness. If you have a truly intense blissful experience for more than 4 hours please evolve to the next plane of existence.
Once you have a break in the action because everyone is disoriented by the amazing cacophony that's when you bust out the taco cannon (both carnitas and pollo) and switch over to 'Tequila' by the Ventures (and perhaps a bit of the liquid for you). Once there is appropriate pandemonium you release the Prozac donuts from the drones and carpet bomb the whole of eastern Ukraine with water-balloons filled with medicinal smoke (these 2 steps could be reversed).
Finally you would finish up with the Funkadelic classic 'I'll Stay' so everyone gets to dance it out (or hug it out). At this point you would definitely want to have a go-go dancer army of men and women thousands strong run across the killing fields in white patent leather boots and short shorts. The result might be similar to an adult version of the Pied Piper of Hamlin.
OR - smother the entire western part of Russia with fluffy biscuits and dense gravy while blasting Rogers and Hammerstein compilations.
Either should work, let me know when you want to get started! Thanks for the great question.
Disclaimer: These results may work for other conflicts and countries but as yet have not been verified or tested on an epic or worldwide scale. Use at your own risk, may cause peace and freedom, hilarity, casual laughter, feelings of awesomeness, sensual indulgence, happily satiated thoughts, and general indirect righteousness. If you have a truly intense blissful experience for more than 4 hours please evolve to the next plane of existence.
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