Road Trip

I love going places, traveling. Looking ahead or behind when I'm on the road is like a treasure for me.

Hopefully you are safe at your destination right now, or have a fun journey ahead.

Your friend, Dave

Drumming

"Dear Dave, Please to be describing drumming."

Thanks for the great question!

Playing the drums is a multi-staged experience, much like the launch of a rocket.
There's the initial physical part, the coordinating of limbs, rolling of joints, loosening of spine; it all quickly becomes a single effort. The thing that has excited me about drums is that it's almost as much a sport as it is an instrument. The style of playing matter a lot of course and so for me the more physical and intense the better.

Mentally the feeling of the sticks vibrating in my hands up into my head is soothing and meditative, after the first stage of boost the second stage has an almost centipede feeling where all the mental and physical parts don't really need to be thought about or calculated and a groove is struck. Finally the world disappears around me like a reverse Cheshire cat in the third stage, pummeling becomes pulsing, thought becomes feeling and the world stops completely around me. Completely at one with the physical, emotional and thoughtful parts of the universe there is nothing that can come close to the spiritual place this feeling sends me.

The only thing that's missing from this for me is: that connected, communal joy that I feel when The Groove is locked down down by the entire band - when the Whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts, when every instrument becomes a drum and it's all clicking like clockwork. I don't even know if most others experience that the way l do. But I know you do.
I love - and miss - that feeling.

Saving my Soviets

So today's question comes from a place of hope, something that looks to provide relief and maybe resolve strife and return sanity to a part of our planet that could really use it:

"Dear Dave,
Given the state in Ukraine, what music and or food would chill these mutha f'rs out?"

Let it rain taco's and macaroons! Let the marshmallows and peanut butter pretzels shower those who would do harm to each other! Drown those who would carve at each other with weapons of war in an espresso/caramel fountain! Deli meat as a shield of peace! Je Suis Fromage pour tout le Monde!

This is what I imagine might work; first you have to get their attention so they break off from the gunning and bombing for a minute. I'd send in a thousand drones each with it's own 1000 watt speaker descending from as high as possible blasting the entire length of 'Ascension' by Coltrane just to get everyone off balance.

Once you have a break in the action because everyone is disoriented by the amazing cacophony that's when you bust out the taco cannon (both carnitas and pollo) and switch over to 'Tequila' by the Ventures (and perhaps a bit of the liquid for you). Once there is appropriate pandemonium you release the Prozac donuts from the drones and carpet bomb the whole of eastern Ukraine with water-balloons filled with medicinal smoke (these 2 steps could be reversed).

Finally you would finish up with the Funkadelic classic 'I'll Stay' so everyone gets to dance it out (or hug it out). At this point you would definitely want to have a go-go dancer army of men and women thousands strong run across the killing fields in white patent leather boots and short shorts. The result might be similar to an adult version of the Pied Piper of Hamlin.

OR - smother the entire western part of Russia with fluffy biscuits and dense gravy while blasting Rogers and Hammerstein compilations.

Either should work, let me know when you want to get started! Thanks for the great question.

Disclaimer: These results may work for other conflicts and countries but as yet have not been verified or tested on an epic or worldwide scale. Use at your own risk, may cause peace and freedom, hilarity, casual laughter, feelings of awesomeness, sensual indulgence, happily satiated thoughts, and general indirect righteousness. If you have a truly intense blissful experience for more than 4 hours please evolve to the next plane of existence.

So many questions

"What's on your mind?" - Today's question comes straight from the source.

Any of you interweb denizens who take a spin in this social-media jalopy have seen it. I admit I'm reaching a little here, feel free to go make a cocktail and bypass this next bit.
Preface: Here's what on my mind, the order will be in 2 categories:
1st list is of subjects that are swirling around in my brain for no apparent reason.
2nd list are of things I'm either up or down about.

Go.

Butter. Deuteronomy. Hash browns. 5 spice. Sex. Tire pressure. Books. Physics. Rappelling. Cheese cloth. Records. Diminutive polyps. Carbon gas. Kissing. Monolithic imaging. Earthquakes. Vermont. My finger. Integrated circuits. Nerdcore. Self-healing mats. Karaoke. French Fries. Instinct. Anchors. Flash memory. Spirit gum. Sweat lodges. Musk. Fuser units. Sweet potatoes. Hearts. Burned duct tape.

What if a mosquito with west nile virus lands on a person with ebola virus and then bites someone else? - My dog no longer has fleas - I'm on a new record! - Do I have bunions? - Goat cheese salad - Fresh spray painted walls - I lost a suit jacket - I should ride my bike more - driving across the bay bridge late at night - Playing a rock show this weekend - Did I lock the door? - Predictive text poetry - Is my car stolen (again)? - Foot problems - This afternoons meeting is going to probably kill me.
I love you very much so please try and spread that around ok?

The Universe meets the universe and orders a beer

Hey Ho everybodeeeeee! Today's question is:"how do you think the universe brings the people together who need to be connected to make all involved stronger souls? Also, what if people miss these connections they've been presented?"

This is a really sweet thought and for sure I've connected with certain folks and thought fate must've had a hand in it. Lyrics penned by my close pal Chris sum it up for me: "openness and willingness, every move creates the next.." I accept that 2 people can listen to the same song or look at the same tragedy and see completely different things yet share a sympathetic worldview.

My personal belief is something close to Taoism, in that there must be an equal point of dark for every point of light. That knowing when the connection to yourself and anything or anyone else has run it's course is just as important as the inception of the connection itself. Openness to endings is as important as beginnings in this philosophy so that balance and knowledge don't become stagnant.

So there are no missed connections, those that are willing can always find the connection they seek or the disconnection that may drive them to reach beyond a static paradigm. I feel very connected to the leftover pizza in the fridge right now, however if it isn't there when I go to munch because my rotten bottomless pit of a kid ate it it will push me to create a new connection. Probably to a beer.

Thoughts on DIY

Doin it yerself or DYI - This has always been a huge part of my creative existence.

Zines, cassette releases, CD-R jackets, street art, wheat paste posters, tactile and roughly produced and distributed by hand or while stalking about in the dead of night. I can't stop and lord how I have tried to quit dropping money on art supplies, spray paint, musical equipment and buying up 20 year old electronics on ebay.

Lot's of friends are still doing it and an inspiration to me constantly, it's a huge comfort in this world of mysterious invisible digitized content to hold a print, record, shirt, book / zine or other hand crafted article. Nothing against the unlimited sharing and distribution power of digital but then again nothing satisfies like holding and smelling a freshly screened shirt, or the sweat and odor that results from laboring on some street art. These labors often come at a cost, sometimes quite high prices are paid yet still those who can, still do despite any past or present consequences.

Listed below are some of those hardy souls who keep doing this thing and who I really admire for their dedication to high quality craft and DYI ethic. Make something.

Bruce the tshirt guy: http://bit.ly/YnQMBo

Duke the window artist: http://bit.ly/1ofRTsL

Zora the writer (among many other things): http://bit.ly/1xuwgOV

Dave Mihaly the multi-talented instrumentalist: http://bit.ly/1oVnAah

Chris Cilla - illustrator (and more): http://bit.ly/1xuwWEa

Michael Boul - artist, musician and more: http://on.fb.me/1urizMb

Antrony Hodgkinson - multi-talented music and arts: http://bit.ly/1pEH1E6

Chris Carlone - manages to create in all mediums: http://bit.ly/1uctRET

Kayti Didriksen - Fantastic visual artist: http://bit.ly/1wds1mt

Ego Sensation - Musician, visual artist, actor and much more: http://bit.ly/1ofULWz

Robots, Robots, Robots

so I'm halfway through this FB residency challenge and I've learned a few things along the way:

24 days of posting feels like enough, but I need to continue.

The source destinations for all these kiity/doggie/inspirational/youtube posts all land on some advertisement revenue site like doubleclick.

Even though I specifically change settings to include some people in my feed and exclude others FB ultimately decides what I see.

People who post information about bad/sad/unfortunate things that happen to them tend to get a lot of support and sympathy.

There's a ton of supportive people doing good work and getting recognition on FB for it. There's also a ton of people who just never get any.

There's also a ton of stuff. Just empty shallow content that makes no sense to me.
I only like visible robots. FB is full of invisible robots.

I have so much admiration for those of you who have the ability to post interesting and thoughtful items multiple times a day. I have no idea how it's possible.

I'll try to get back in a more positive groove tomorrow. I really like the idea of writing letters these days.

I like this robot a whole lot.

On being tiny

The question was raised: "What are your thoughts on a tiny hamster eating tiny burritos??"
This little event gets my wholehearted seal of approval, hands down what the internet was created for. There's a chemistry in this clip that is unexplainable and undeniable because if you try to watch all the other "tiny hamster eating other stuff,..." somehow they don't quite capture the magic of the original.

I wish we had a place in this world where we could all get tiny (insert classic Steve Martin 'let's get small' joke here for you old timers) some kind of vacation get away where literally everything was the same size; people, hamsters, burritos, juice boxes, mints, rubber bands, ice cream cones, shoes, man that would be fun.

Inner space people! Get me a tiny pony prancing on a tiny track stat! A tiny maestro conducting a tiny bird orchestra! Who's making these movies I need to see?! Get on it please? One drawback that just came to mind though is that if the hamster and I were both tiny he could probably stuff me into one of those cheeks no problem. Death by hamster? There are worse ways to go. His tiny hands were the best though, I can't believe how those tiny little hands act just like ours. That kind of thing makes me realize that maybe we're not quite as advanced as we think we are.

I wish I could get a tiny microphone on that tiny hamster and get him into a tiny talk show for a tiny interview. I think I am losing my tiny mind. Help.

Opium and Prose

Computer, phone, expletive, phone, doorway, chips, phone.
Shining bluish threads exercise on a brown suede couch
“so, hey…. Is the internet down? Hear that sound?”

Eyes flick up, trying to engage, revealing a distant focus
Halting and weary they resume spasms inside the digital corral.
Earbuds whine a slick pastiche of golden faded sounds
One dangles heartward, strung over a lobe, fastened in canal.

Shorts worn to brown, riding simple socks and crumb from forgotten meals.
Nothing short of time has drowned, the feeling is rather surreal.
Lightly when they start their seeking, all rising from a curious
Tone and sudden mental flailing I give my brain a bone.

Perchance my only reckoning in this vast and electric hail is that
I’ve managed to put off paying the bills and checking through my mail.
When suddenly after hours engaged in vapid frantic glance
I hear the shuffle across the floor of the jabberwocky dance.

This surely was predicted and my heart does skip a beat,
Flinging off my clothes in the sudden baking heat. My torpor is
Complete and naked drums I pound and stroke, the giving is in
the living and it’s a wonder we all don’t choke.

~Apologies to Lewis Carroll~

Making choices without being a dick

There's a lot of talk about what you eat, it's a very polarizing topic apparently. GMO, the levels of organic, forbidden foods, the gluten wormhole, slow-food movement, lactose issues, allergies (real and imagined), vegan, vegetarian, and pescatarian, pills, fads and drinks, locavore, raw and whole, the pickle diet etc, etc, etc,.... ad nauseaum.

On the one side I think it's very important that you know with some certainty what you are consuming, on the other side though it seems to become something close to fanaticism for many. Where a weird sort of fundamental dogma takes root and disallows for any concession. I have too many taste buds in play to limit myself to a strict regimen but I would like to make sure that I consume more things that are born in the open air of the world than in a laboratory.

I love cooking food - all kinds. Good quality meats and fish are so reliable and consistent when being applied to the heat of an open flame. Root vegetables sing and dance when tossed with non-saturated oils in a pan. Nothing beats a biscuit baked in a wood stove using bacon grease. My nose loves to be in the middle of all the savory, sweet and sharp smells it can find. Best spices for it's pleasure are found in the South Asian or Mediterranean regions.

I love heat, the sweat inducing and the heart pumping kinds. It a beautiful thing when a dish of succulent tidbits gets the blood flowing and the endorphin system flashing around the body. I wish I could invite anyone who is reading this over for dinner, I love cooking food for people. In my advanced age there's nothing like an awesome dinner party to cap off a day, especially if I get to cook. My whole family is like that and most times when I go visit them I don't even have to step foot in the kitchen.
D'enjoy!

Go.

Just to clear things up, I am firmly on Team Zombie and not Team Vampire. That may change but I thought I'd clear up any misconceptions straight away.

Today's post is about email, I'm a middle manager who manages to middle about all day answering between 30 - 50 emails. Some are technical some are scary, most are a plea for help. I'm going to take the last sentence of the last 10 emails I got today and string them together, see if you can guess what I do?

go.

I realize that this is quite a ways away, but am wondering the best approach on this.

While that frees up positions, it will take awhile for truly increasing the size of your team. We are all in 100% agreement. No changes submitted. But I am not supportive of doing so, and unless I am mistaken (please point that out) then no action is required until we can look at it next week. We will be by to pick this us today. Individual installs would be cumbersome at best. After they confirmed the warranty status they a sent repair return box. Is there any additional information that I can provide at this time or have you settled things for now? Please let me know if this is an issue.
Thank you and good night!

Datelline: ADHD

Day 29. Cat is losing mind. Blood orange tequila sunrise. Sunday Streets is good for the hood. A firm nap at 3pm. The Exploratorium at the pier. Heat and sweet cheese. Art and food. Dancing on walls.
We've purged so many times that it feels like a short ride to the 'burbs. We wait, for the crazy crier who tells us to move on, but for now we get to live in an amazing place with tons of weirdos. It just takes getting out there and making sure you see each other.

Thanks to every human who gave me the time and the sight and patience to get along for even a day more. Brothers and sisters was a powerful shout once, it made us want to grab and hold the people around us.

It's not midnight yet, it's nice and wet behind the ears, don't let the cynics step on the crest in your jib.

Text Poetry - predictive style

Predictive text time kids! Go ahead and play along if you want.
First, rub your fingers all over the keys, make sure to have word complete turned on.
Enter what your phone decides is a sentence.

Silly time go farm, commence:

Django if TV dog dry UK keno oh eh DMX good braun.
Experiencing overlaying Hedi jangle Jan full mugabe fish.
Doh g fit they 5 Rico I endo provide Jr u m roxy TV be do own HDx
and the classic:
Textbook watch lowly beck luv Cami us to keck ferric DC dirk
I love words of any kind. Books magazines or ingredients lists.
There are so many and you can use whichever of them you want forever!

Fun fact: Your brain is designed to connect a tactile sensation with memory receptors and repetition. If you read something while turning pages you will learn or retain more than 50% better than reading something on a screen.

Then there's always predictive text nerd words no matter what.
Love! Words! Food! Fun! Music!

Objectification of objects

I've been politely asked to stop posting pictures that objectify robots, and I get that. I certainly don't want to contribute to the already unrealistic and ridiculous stereotypes that so many robots struggle with daily. Please accept my apologies.

Here are some of my near-death experiences in chronological order:
I fell in the tub when I was 4 and landed on my head (which yes, does explain a lot) and had some stitches on my chin.

While climbing a telephone pole next to a state route through my small rural town I fell, landed on my back in the road winded, and just at that moment a car was driving by so I tried to lift my head out of the road but my hair was pinned down by the tire.
While jumping from one tree branch to another I almost landed on a sleeping owl which freaked us both out and I fell about 20 feet to the ground.

When exploring some overflow rainwater tunnels underneath Tucson AZ with a few friends and some torches we came darn close to asphyxiation when there wasn't enough oxygen for us and the fire.

When riding shotgun in a 1969 mustang with no seat belts that was doing 95 on a city street we hit a Volkswagen bug with 2 nuns in it as they were making an illegal right turn. No one was seriously hurt.

I fell about 40 feet down a cliff at the end of Campbell Ave in Tucson while free climbing but only received minor cuts.

One time I jumped off the roof of a house into a snowbank and plunged through 15 feet of snow and blacked out for a period of time. Since then I've been told that's how folks suffocate in an avalanche.
Riding helmet-less on my Honda night wing 650 a van ran a stop sign and I t-boned the thing but only sustained minor head injuries. (again, explains some things doesn't it?)

While riding my bike and pulling some friends behind me on roller skates water-skiing style I lost control of the bike because of the centrifugal force of the weight of the people I was pulling and during the course correction went full speed across 6 lanes of heavy traffic unscathed.
Have a great day! May the luck of Panky's Pride be on your side!

iRun

Today's question is: "I have really been enjoying the Rockabye Baby Lullaby versions of Radiohead and Depeche Mode lately. What are your thoughts on adult music reimagined for kids, and would you let your band's music be subject to this treatment?"

Ok this is actually a tough question for me, I remember nearly vomiting the first time I heard (in a dentists office no less) Bowie's 'Spiders From Mars' in synth muzak form. Not too long after that in Vegas I heard a Ramones song re-made the same way so for many years I was very much a purist in the sense that HELL NO! don't mess with my rock. DO NOT get your synthesizer all up in my analog guitar and drums. Of course that was back when folks thought that the video and music cassette and would ruin the movie and music industry, my oh my how far we've come; n'est pa?

I also had a distinct bias against drum machines for many years and while I still prefer analog sounds to digital ones things have changed, the years have mellowed my biases and frankly, my hearing is not what it used to be. Hearing and seeing bands do things like Joy Division songs using plastic toy keyboards and miniature chime pianos, and really kick ass at it, has made me reconsider some of my most rigid stances on what makes a song 'good'. It's all in the eye of the beholder right? The first time I heard Devo's version of the Stones 'Satisfaction' I was instantly captured by the creative brilliance. I know many who might not agree, so yes, I would consider having my music interpreted in a format like this. It's funny though, I've got the site up and I'm checking it out and I have to say the version of 'Space Oddity' is good and fine but the version of 'London Calling' is awful, just so lacking what made the original song amazing.

Oh god - help me lord now I'm looking at the whole catalog and getting a little anxious, oh lord, 'Heroes"?! Lullaby versions of Blur and Rush? I'm starting to shake a bit, feeling sweat form on my brow, oh no no no,...lullaby versions of Kiss, Van Halen and BLACK SABBATH!?!?!?! Excuse me I'm, I've got to,... I might be feeling a touch apoplectic. MEDIC!

Mystery Dork

I'm a huge sucker for anything even remotely resembling the unexplained or mysterious. I want to believe, and get so easily distracted by possibilities of phenomena, spirit incarnations, scary unknowns and generally unbelievable natural events. There's a really seductive quality for me when situations or people converge even on something simple, like how does a guy fall out of an airplane from 20,000 ft and not get squished? It happens though.

I lived in an old New England farmhouse that supposedly had a bullet hole in the entryway ceiling (you could see a small burned looking hole in the wood above) where legend had it that a jilted lover committed suicide in front of his partner. Somehow the story I got out of it was that the jilt-ee's tortured ghost wandered the house bumping things and making a general nuisance of itself.

I used to have a fantasy that I would get to see that ghost and it would take me on a Lion,Witch, Wardrobe type journey. I've discovered since then that using any number of visual or mental aids I can go anywhere I want almost anytime that pleases me. This is so helpful during many of the weekly meetings I attend.

Here's a sample of one of my current favorite optical illusions, it's not a .gif either it just looks like it's moving. Enjoy and take a mind trip today! Your pal, Dave

Goth Story

I was in love with a Goth. There were several really strange chance meetings in the beginning, at my only trip ever to Pier 32 on Geary Blvd, the Woodside Muni station and outside the Transamerica bldg on Montgomery. That last one was when I was wandering away from another disastrous show at The Purple Onion and I saw her from 3 blocks away as if there was a zoom lens in my head. The other people on the street became translucent and the buildings faded and tilt shifted out of my vision. We had a drink at the Hilton and made fun of the suits and stiffs.

Later in the month we met again as planned at the Colma graveyards, riding the BART, her leaving from the East Bay and I from Civic Center. I was too cautious and insecure to get wild in public and she tried to drug me (but we both knew what she wanted and was trying to do). I had a show that night at the Kennel club and went for it anyway. I started laughing so hard at something and practically blacked out and next thing I knew it was cold and windy and I was laying on a statue of a baby with a halo. Fearing that I might have had some part in knocking it over I beat a quick trail out of there and barely got to the show on time.

There was never any phone or addresses exchanged to begin with and we always just said to met up again on such and such a date, usually at the most depressing places, and she would take advantage of me. I might be exaggerating there.

Ended up going to all the graveyards and churches we met at, as randomly as possible for almost a year. Never saw her again.

Straight to (Tech) Hell

Tuesday September 16th - Tech Support Bunker, Silicon Valley desert, concrete bunker #5, where dreams go to die.

Me: Hi this is tech support, Dave speaking, can I help you?
Them: I have a printer that just prints random nonsense and sometimes won’t print at all.

Me: Thanks for calling do you have the make and model of your printer handy?
Them: Yes it’s an HP LaserJet 1356, I’m trying to print wirelessly.
Me: Are you close to the computer you are trying to print from?
Them: No, it’s at home.
Me: Is that where the printer is as well?
Them: No, the printer is here in my office.
Me: Can you throw a rock and hit your house from your open office window?
Them: Ha ha, no I live about an hour’s drive from my office.
Me: (Making clicking noises) Thank you, thank you, can I help you with your issue today?
Them: What? I,.. um could you repeat that?
Me: (Turns on office fan and firmly sticks a pen into the blades) [crriackkkk!] Hello, I’m Dave, I’m Dave, option one is no longer a valid argument. Please press any key to continue. Your satisfaction is our goal, muffle the clamps and sport the calipers. Thank you, thank you, have I solved your issue?
Them: What?! Wait, hello? Oh wow,… [muffled] I think the tech support line is broken. Are you real? Hello who is this? Can you hear me?!
Me: (sound of snapping a keyboard in half) Thank youthank you thankyou, issue is resolved measure have tried turning it off and on? Plastic tab on the back serial number matches your employee ID…… halt code execute….. critical path exception please reboot master boot record….
Them: [muffled] Stupid IT robot! You suck! (click)
Me: LUNCH TIME!

Robot Questions

Today's question:
"How would your life be different if the following people were robots: your boss, your spouse, your son?"

So many wonderful possibilities here, I love robots and am very handy with machines if they need a fixin'. So, if my Boss was a robot he would certainly be more logical and therefore would be susceptible to the "Liar's Paradox" whereby I could shut him down with an easy philosophical quandary, put my consciousness into his robot body and take over THE WORLD MUah ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!

If my Son was a robot he would be so very grateful that I was kind enough to keep him in a small closet under the stairs and feed him magnetic filing scraps, so he could have enough energy to clean the house, wash my clothes and massage my bunions. (A strange word really, so close to onions, but not at all close.) Then I would instruct him to use his robot super powers to help me take over THE WORLD MUAH ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

If my spouse was a robot,.... hmmmm if my spouse were a robot I would be sad, I think. The upshot would be an indestructible and awesome unicorn robot who could answer any question and always give me a ride home from the party. The far larger downside would be me with bruised lips and metal splinters in my hands trying to make out and get to 2nd base, so instead I'd use the super powerful unicorn robot brain to help me bio-dinetically engineer an organic Michelina spouse with pink hair and a crazy good sense of humor like I'm used to and together all 3 of us would then take over THE WORLD MUAH ha ha ha ha ha!!

Fire

On it's own the literal chemical reaction has little smell, you can't touch it (well, you can't snuggle with it let's say) and it has been a fascination of mine my entire life. I melted green army men in my closet, stole my parents lighter to heat up a nail and make laser gun wounds in star wars figures, lit a mattress abandoned in the alley on fire where it smoldered for days under a gas meter, sent candles suspended by helium balloons in the air, made torches out of broom sticks and t-shirts, used any flammable aerosol to 'season' my clothes as part of making them look punk, torched countless crosswalk christmas trees tossed out on the street after the new year and performed many experiments on my siblings toys.

We use many expressions culturally based on our mutual admiration of combustion and flames, "she was on fire", "we burned them bad", "we torched the other team", "scorched earth policy" as well as "burned my bridges", "flamed me for saying that" and "I was blazed".
So, good and bad we have all had some kind of relationship with fire probably going back to primitive times.

You're probably thinking 'this is going to end in tragedy' but you'd be incorrect, I've never hurt any living thing or destroyed property (severely). I'm actually advocating the use of (controlled) fire and burning because my experience with it has been so cathartic and often exhilarating. I love a ritual, and when it came time to shred some documents (bills, hate mail, divorce decree, collection notifications, a formal reprimand and anything from the government) I scooped them all up and put them in my "Simpson's 10th anniversary" limited edition weber grill and lit those puppies up! It was so freeing to watch all those formerly important paperworks flame up and crisp to a rich black ashy color. Man!

As good as a few months in therapy and a ton cheaper.
So give it a try, find a nice safe place outdoors, pull out some of those items you've kept for no other reason than to torture yourself over your past transgressions, and burn baby burn. D'Enjoy!