probably caused by excess hemoglobin

the shit has hit the fan this weekend. First we found out that 'fake steve jobs' was outed, then we learned that about 200 thousand weapons are missplaced somewhere in Iraq, and to cap it all off the 'rocket man' elton john wants us to flip the switch on the interwebnets and shut the whole thing down for 5 years. Sir Elton, if I may have a word with you........... WTF?!?!? ok look - I admire your determination and fortitude - maybe it's because you rocked when you were young, maybe you passed on all the bad 80's mojo to boy-boy george, maybe you have some kinda deal with some kinda devil but for the sake of pong! we need the interwebnets now more than ever. At least I do, I dont have enough time to catch my favorite shows or webcasts as it is, how the hell am I supposed to stay relevant (unlike you sir) if my webternets gets the axe? There is no way, because I (and my young ward dick) are the only ones who know where the kill switch is!! MUUAAHAHAHAHA!! Thats right, I have been in negotiations with Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and that parapalegic guy in the wheelchair who is super smart, and they decided that I (and my faithful ward dick) are the only ones with the strength, courage, and irreparable brain damage to be able to conceal the off switch for the webternet from sassy sally forths like you, sir! I will not turn off the internet, never will you convince me! NEVER I SAY! You can re-release and re-package all your hits for the 30th time, you can perform in a donald duck suit for a year and still I will say NAY to you sir. I even refuse your offer of sending in Bono as a mediator, (but I may consider Beyonce, I hear she has a thing for geeks) this I tell you with unwavering certainty. I am sure you may read about the negotiations which took place this weekend between Sir Elton and I, even reaching a point where I considered his request and my stipulation was that he should publicly apologize for having anything to do with "candle in the wind" and make Bernie T wear the duck suit for a month. Then I realized I wouldnt be getting any RSS feeds about all my innertenwebs buddies snarky blogs, and couldnt e-stalk others, or even track my DHL and UPS purchases from amazon and E-bay not to mention destroy billions of hours watching other people do inane things on youtube. Shit,.. my offer is, was and will remain, NO! Thanks.